Thursday, December 10, 2015

Pumpkin Pie! (Revised)

     The best Thanksgiving food is pumpkin pie because it is sweet, delicious, and popular around the world. According to "John Greenleaf Whittier" (a famous American poet), he states: "What moistens the lips, what brightens the eye, what calls back the past like a rich pumpkin pie?" In other words, pumpkin pie is delicious, sweet, and brings a happy feeling to everyone in the room. One of the reasons why it is known all around the world because of it's amazing taste. In fact, it is so good, that the school has agreed to serve it for lunch! In conclusion, pumpkin pie is the best treat for Thanksgiving because it is widely known, and very, very sweet. So this Thanksgiving, ask your parents if they could make pumpkin pie.
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6 comments:

  1. AnonymousDecember 12, 2015 at 2:08 PM

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  2. AnonymousDecember 12, 2015 at 2:10 PM

    *Mind Blown* Awesome job, Gavin. I loved how you repetitively added the words delicious and sweet to add effect and how you explained who John Greenleaf Whittier is. What if you added another quote? Maybe from a lunch lady or someone that knows a lot about food? Great Job!!

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  3. AnonymousDecember 14, 2015 at 1:15 PM

    That was great!!! I really liked how you you added a poem to help "spice up" your paragraph. That was awesome. I love pumpkin pie. especially loaded up with whip cream!! one thing you could do better, would be to add a hooker?

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  4. AnonymousDecember 14, 2015 at 6:43 PM

    Great gob, Gavin! I, too, would call myself a pumpkin pie fan. What would your paragraph look like if you added a little more evidence to support the quote? An overall amazing job!

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  5. AnonymousDecember 15, 2015 at 10:37 AM

    That was really good Gavin. I really liked how you had the poem. That was a great idea. What would your writing look like if you added different words? Instead of using the same words over, try something different.

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  6. AnonymousDecember 15, 2015 at 12:49 PM

    That was amazing Gavin! I really liked how you used descriptive words throughout your writing, making it very sensible. What would it look or sound like if you used different words throughout your writing.

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