Communities would be greatly affected by a change in the world like this. Instead of children asking to work for someone in their neighborhood for money, they would do it for free. More people would help out their neighbors who are in need. Communities would depend on each other and help each other out, similar to how a team works. Families would also be affected greatly. It would be easier to not get in fights with your siblings. (Which would be an amazing thing for my family because I have two sisters who despise each other.) In a world like this, almost everyone would be happy.
Monday, February 22, 2016
A Lovely Change in the World
In such a world, there would be fewer crimes and deaths. People would show more kindness to others. Everyone would be included in activities and other group projects. The percent of suicides each year would drop and get noticeably smaller. A world like this would be the solution to bullying. People would think about how their words can affect someone before they say something. Nobody would judge or be judged by anyone else. A world like this would boost everyone's self esteem.
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Great Writing! I liked how you showed how it would affect the people close to us. How would it looked if you added some comas? But i liked how you talked about how there would be less major problems as well. keep up the great writing!
ReplyDeleteGood job Charlee! I loved how you explained it by relating it to problems we are more likely to encounter. How would it look if you had a more noticeable conclusion? I really liked how you worded this post and the way you got your point across! Keep up the good work! :)
ReplyDeleteNice writing/typing. I think it was a great story (and I have to agree on the part about the siblings, although I have five so you can only imagine). I think that it was a good story although what do you think it would sound like if you explained in the beginning what the "in such a world was". Or in other words what is the other "world". Yet it was still good so nice job.
ReplyDeleteI really like your examples and writing. You should state or explain the question in there.
ReplyDeleteI really like your examples and writing. You should state or explain the question in there.
ReplyDeleteOutstanding writing and examples! You did a really great job answering the prompt. As you revise, I'd look at adding more complex sentences to create a smoother flow to the piece as a whole.
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