Monday, February 8, 2016
How Life Would Change if we Loved Others More
Everything would be different if people loved others more just thinking about it makes me happier. People would be nice, there would be no wars, or struggles, not even the bicker en of brothers and sisters. Even people would change the brain would actually have to work less because you wouldn't have as many emotions to think about. There wouldn't be any money and everything was free or at least a very low price if there was money. There would be less work because nice people would give out more jobs to others even if they were unqualified. So as you can see this would make everything easier just this one simple thing could change the world.
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Nice story. I think that it was good. What do you think it would sound like if you fixed a few grammar mistakes.
ReplyDeleteIt's really good. What if you varied the sentence structure? Otherwise it's great
ReplyDeleteGood job. What would it look like if you added correct puncuation and fixed some spelling mistakes?
ReplyDeleteI loved this and thought you did a good job! How would it look if you edited it to fix some grammar and spelling mistakes? Once again I thought this was great! Keep up the great writing!:)
ReplyDeleteGood job! I liked how you added examples and detail. Maybe your writing would look better if you added more commas?
ReplyDeleteNice job! I really enjoyed it. What do you think your blog post would look like if you fixed some of your grammar mistakes? Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteGreat job! I really liked how you said that brothers and sisters wouldn't bicker any more. What would it look like if you added some smiley face tricks?
ReplyDeleteGreat start, I like where this is going. It did get a little confusing due to grammar and punctuation--make sure to watch that:) Thanks!
ReplyDelete